Vicious Cycle

Have you ever been on a ride at an amusement park that just seems like it will never end? That is what I am feeling like right now with this cancer journey. We seem to go round and round over and over and it never seems to end. So here we are again with testing time and I wasn’t even going to worry about what was to come; however, it was as though I was hit with a brick straight in my face again. The latest ultrasound shows yet another pesky suspicious nodule on the same side as the existing nodule that they can’t get to. It appears to be too small at this point so now we wait until it grows big enough that my surgeon feels he can make an attempt to remove it. Even when Dr. Song was explaining this all to me, I didn’t quite absorb it until after I was halfway home from Denver. I just wasn’t myself as I have been battling this nasty bronchitis the last two months and was feeling just downright crappy. This has also caused my asthma to kick into overdrive and so I’ve been having a difficult time with wheezing which they’ve had to put me on more than one inhaler. Now it seems that I also have another sinus infection on top of it as well. I am hoping that this next round of antibiotics kicks this crap to the curb once and for all. My immune system is seriously messed up big time and it’s seems to be harder for my body to fight of these infections!

With the amount of coughing I’ve been doing and how long it’s been going on the thoughts always keep racing in my mind – has the cancer spread to my lungs as well? That has always been one of my biggest fears that I am going to get mets to other areas of my body. Luckily, my tumor markers are stable and not showing signs of an increase which is a good sign. I guess I will take that as a positive step forward. I was really hoping to get on a yearly follow-up schedule, but it’s not in the cards for me and so I guess I need to be watched a little more closely. I know that many of my thyca friends are facing similar situations and it’s always great to know that you don’t have to go through this alone. To know that there are others out there who truly understand what you are going through with the anxiety, the fears, the ups and downs of trying to get your levels right and feeling good. They understand because they are walking those same pathways as you are.

Although us thyca survivors have to experience this vicious, seemingly never ending cycle as you never know when the cancer is going to strike back which is why continuous lifetime monitoring is so necessary. Even with these never-ending challenges I am greatly reminded to stay strong and be courageous and the following scripture quote reminds me of that. I know that I am never alone and although at times I wonder whether God is with me during these dark moments, but deep down I know he’s there. Even though it is difficult to feel his presence at certain times in our life, we have to take that leap of faith and trust in His infinite wisdom – there is a reason for all of this.

Strong and of Good Courage

 

I just have to remember that what doesn’t kill me makes me a stronger person because of it. This cancer has nothing on me; the minute I give the enemy the upper hand and make it believe it will beat me that’s when it wins this war and that simply CANNOT happen! Nevertheless, I would love to get off this cancer ride, but I guess I would rather take this ride with all its twists and turns, than to have the ride of life stop altogether. So I just have to keep pushing forward and do the best with the circumstances I’ve been given – to keep calm and just keep swimming!

 

What doesn't kill you

 

 

Twists and Turns

In life we may experience some unexpected twists and turns and this journey has been no different. There have been circumstances that I never expected and I’m sure neither did my doctors. I never expected that I would ever get cancer let alone such an advanced stage, never thought that my doctors would not be able to completely contain it, never thought I would have a recurrence especially in such a short amount of time, and yet my docs still couldn’t contain it, and I never thought that the standard treatment options with RAI therapy would not work either. Although my case has been anything but the norm, what I have learned throughout all of these turns of events is that you have to continuously keep rolling with the punches. No matter what downright nasty blows that cancer or any difficult circumstance or challenge can give you, if you allow it to control your life or continue to live in fear that is truly not living, because that can steal so much of your inner peace.

As it has been said by many survivors, “I have cancer, but it doesn’t have me!” This disease may have invaded my body but that does not mean it has to invade every aspect of my life. It is about making the choice to learn from this experience rather than having those negative thoughts overtake you. When I finally came to terms with my situation I made the decision to turn this into something positive, by showing others that they can conquer and overcome and to not let this monster we call cancer to defeat you.

This has been my own personal triumph in overcoming impossible things and I hope that it provides encouragement and inspiration for others that anything is possible with the right frame of mind and attitude. There truly is life after cancer and even an advanced stage. I have bounced back and I am finally back doing what I love working with special needs children again, which is something that truly makes me happy and fulfilled. I hope one day to be among the living when cancer will be eradicated so that no one has to face this monster ever again! I think it rings true as the saying goes:

Strongest soldiers
– Unknown.

This is a battle that I intend on winning as I will NOT allow it to defeat me and I will fight until the finish! I will continue pushing forward and live my life to the fullest extent possible, no matter what is thrown my way.