It is very true that anything can change on a dime. I thought I would be in the clear for the next six months at least that is what I kept hoping for. However, those hopes came crashing down when I was told that the appearance of my nodule on my laryngeal nerve they have been following the last three years was starting to change in ways which were not good. The nodule started showing changes with more and more increased calcification, which is pretty much just a fancy word they use to mean suspected malignancy. I knew before I had the recent neck ultrasound that deep down in my gut something was just not right and trying with all my might to brush those bad feelings aside, but it was a nagging feeling that just wasn’t going away. I knew the day would come I would be treading these waters once again, but was just hoping it would happen much later down the road.
So, here it is the month of January which is when my initial diagnosis took place four years ago. Makes me wonder if this could this mean a bad omen that history is starting to repeat itself once again? We have been dancing around this for the past three years watching and waiting to see what this suspicious nodule was going to do. With these changes on the ultrasound, my surgeon, Dr. Song felt that we needed to take action and repeat the FNA to determine if the cells were positive for malignancy and if so, we would discuss making another attempt at trying to remove this nodule for good. On 29 January I was in the Ultrasound Department at University of Colorado Hospital once again prepping for biopsy #3. Since my husband couldn’t be with me during the biopsy, because he is on deployment, I had my youngest daughter with me for moral support. My husband and I have traveled this road before in which we have been separated oceans apart and you’d think I would be used to this as we’ve done it before; however, it is difficult nonetheless. It has been so challenging the last few weeks knowing what is in front of me and not having my biggest supporter around me. However, the most positive thing is that my better half and best friend will be back from his deployment by the end of this day which makes me one very happy girl! So when you talk of peaks and valleys of your day, for me most definitely the return of my husband is my peak, whereas my valley is having this biopsy.
I am so fortunate to have the same doctor who performed the last biopsy; in fact I actually requested her specifically. It was Dr. Kristen McKinney, who is an interventional radiologist who is truly fantastic and really knows what she is doing. Just like the last one it is done using ultrasonic guidance so that they can pinpoint the location of the nodule accurately in order to withdraw out the suspected cells. So then, the million dollar question of the day is going to be whether or not the cells are positive for malignancy. I just have to cross my fingers and say a prayer that it is not, but I know that it could be a real possibility.
So they prepped my neck with that ugly brown betadine to sterilize the field. Here it goes again with the first stab where they inject the numbing medicine to ease the pain. Then the next needle goes in directing at the targeted area. The radiologist goes back and forth to draw out the cells in the nodule and I feel a lot of pressure like someone sitting right on top of my windpipe. So then I just try to breathe my way through it, the best I can. She does 1, 2 and then 3 passes to get adequate tissue placed on the slides for pathology. Dr. McKinney asked me before she left the room if I wanted to know the results to which I replied a resounding yes! So all the medical personnel leave the room and we wait…and wait… and wait. Then when Dr. McKinney returns and I see that look on her face, I know immediately….it is POSITIVE. She said there was no question that it was very clear cut that it was PTC (papillary thyroid cancer).
So now we know for sure that there is still remaining cancer in my body that I have lived with the last 4 years and now I have to prepare myself to discuss this hot mess with Dr. Song and the rest of my medical team on how we move forward. That is going to be the most dreaded conversation I have ever had with Dr. Song, but these decisions will be something that we will do together as a collective team and hope that we can come up with a solution that we can all live with.
Some very wise words of wisdom that I would like to share from Scott Stuart, a longtime Sportscaster who unfortunately lost his cancer battle, I believe the truth of this statement says it all in how we fight this foe:
Simply put, there are no guarantees in life and what I have learned is that you just have to keep rolling with the punches, to which this cancer has surely given me a fair share of! No matter what keeps coming my way I have to remain positive and push forward as I CANNOT LET CANCER WIN!!!