So I have been on this cancer journey for a while now, four years exactly and it has been one very bumpy ride full of many different twists and turns. Today is no different as another twist is added to the story. Most cases of thyroid cancer can be treated with removal of the thyroid, radioactive iodine treatment and then a pill for the rest of your life. It seems simple enough, right? However, it has been somewhat more of a challenge in my case as I have had continuing persistent disease despite going through all the traditional treatment methods.
So this pesky cancer still remains on my laryngeal nerve which is under some fairly extensive scar tissue. Trying to make a second attempt at removing it surgically poses risks of causing injury to the nerve, which in turn could have a drastic effect on my voice; this is something that my surgeon doesn’t really want to do as he is not sure that he can get to it safely at this point. My case has also been reviewed recently by a multi-disciplinary team of doctors that included endocrinologists, endocrine surgeons, and interventional radiology and other folks to determine if other less invasive procedures such as ethanol alcohol ablation or radio-frequency ablation could be utilized. However, those procedures pose an even greater risk as it could potentially paralyze my vocal chords and put a hole in my trachea. So now the decision is pretty much to do nothing but wait. Knowing that I still have these cancer cells housing and residing in my body has been very difficult to say the least and I would do just about anything to have this cancer gone.
I don’t know if you have ever lived in the south and with the heat and humidity comes along with it all kinds of pests. One particular kind that I just absolutely loathe is the cockroach. When I lived in Louisiana it seemed like they were everywhere. It is really disgusting when they invade your house and they seem very hard to get rid of and just when you think that you have zapped them all, another one appears. That is what this cancer kind of feels like; we’ve tried pretty much every method known to rid my body of this disease, but it just doesn’t want to leave!
So we have done this waiting and watching for the last three years and I was hoping that with these changes in the appearance of the nodule that these other additional options would be able to be utilized. I am a very action oriented person and if I see a problem I find a way no matter how, to find a solution to that problem and just plain fix it! To play this waiting game and not doing anything has been very challenging. However, sometimes the reality in life is that there are simply no clear answers, which appears to be what is happening in my case. Maybe perhaps then the real answer is that NO action is the best one of all! After talking it over with a very good doctor friend he’s made me see this with a different set of eyes by thinking in terms of the bigger picture. He raised the following questions and something I had to think long and hard on.
- Do you want to kill some cancer cells and assure yourself you will paralyze your vocal chords?
- Are you willing to accept the resulting effects of what could happen?
- Are the risks really worth it?
My entire medical team has answered a resounding NO, that they do not feel that these other non-invasive procedures are going to be of any benefit to me and it is most likely not going to extend my life by any means. Even if they did try these procedures there is still the likelihood it could come back again, especially given the fact of the aggressive tumor that I had. On the other hand, this remaining cancer could sit dormant for many years and possibly forever, so why not wait this out and save myself some heartache and grief? The resulting effects of what could happen would make my quality of life go downhill mighty quick and why put myself in that situation? Now I think the light bulb has finally come on for me to realize the magnitude of what could happen and I am not sure that I want to expose myself to such great risks. The way my luck has been in this journey, I simply would not have a good outcome. If I am getting the same feedback from all these medical experts, it would be wise of me to listen and heed their advice.
For the longest time I always kept thinking to myself, why are the doctors doing this and not taking any action? The fact of the matter is that their inaction was indeed the best action of all! My medical teams have always done what is in my best interest and I just didn’t even realize it until now. They have probably saved my life, or in the very least have saved me from more complications that I just don’t need; in years to come they will most likely be saying to me “ I told you so.” Sometimes it is hard to accept those tough decisions in life as we want what we want. They were giving me that tough love just like a parent has to do from time to time, no matter how painful. I am sure it is just as hard on the doctors who have to make these tough decisions and I honestly don’t know how some of them do it. One thing for sure is that having a competent team that looks out for you is so imperative; I have been so fortunate to have such caring and compassionate doctors who are concerned with helping me to survive this disease! The doctors on my medical teams are truly among the elite and pretty much the best doctors in the country, in my opinion. All I can say is that God put the right people, in the right place and at the right time, specifically for me.
So in this case, NO ACTION is the best course of action after all! As I reflect on this, I have been reminded once again of the following quote, which there is so much truth to.
This principle was taught to me by my very good friend, Rob Bohning, who recently lost his very lengthy battle with thyroid cancer. He lived this very principle as he did not let a bad set of circumstances drive him down; instead he used it for good to help others in their path by showing others that you do beat this disease by how you live your life and the example you set. What I can do to pay it forward to honor him and what he taught me is to follow his shining example to uplift, inspire and encourage others in their journey. It doesn’t matter if you are just starting this cancer journey or have been at it for a while, you will come to appreciate the importance of having someone you can lean on for support, those who have and are walking this same road and can share with you their experiences and insight on what they have learned along the way. Moreover, you have to continue to move on and drive on with your life even when circumstances in this journey try to drive you down, because as Rob told me many times that “you have cancer it does not have you.”
I want to end this post with the following quote:
Sometimes it takes getting knocked down a few times to stand taller than you ever have . For me the choice is very clear to “ALWAYS GET BACK UP and FIGHT ON!”