Never Quit!

Those fellow thyca warriors can relate to that familiar feeling of scanxiety. That feeling of fear and anxiety that sets in as one simple test can determine your fate. Are you are going to be sweating bullets, or can you actually be breathing a sigh of relief? Is your cancer going to be stable, or does it go to the next level of sheer panic as the cancer is spreading? It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been at this, whether you are newly diagnosed or even an old pro at this, these feelings just never go away and it surely hit me hard at my most recent ultrasound. You know something is suspicious when you have three separate ultrasound techs that come into the room to scan your neck over and over. I don’t know, maybe they could have been training someone; I always have two techs, but never three! I guess I am fortunate to be at a facility that is very thorough. Sure enough, test results revealed yet another questionable nodule that has appeared that was not seen previously. They can’t be one hundred percent certain that there are calcifications in there, which can be a good indication that there are cancer cells present. The size of this nodule is too small to even biopsy and so now here we are once more, playing this continuous waiting game! My Tg, which is the tumor marker is slightly up and TSH levels are above levels that both my doctors and I are comfortable with. It puts me at greater risk of not being suppressed as I should be and maybe that is why this new node has appeared.

Before these tests I thought to myself that I wasn’t going to worry about what the results were going to show. However, this enemy we call cancer can strike at any given time and for people like me who have persistent disease, we simply cannot afford the luxury of not being on guard. Although they can’t prove there are cancer cells in there right now, my gut instincts tell me otherwise and it’s only going to be a matter of time before it will be proven. I have always been able to rely on my gut instincts and very rarely has it ever been wrong.

Naturally, this finding was upsetting to me. Why does this seem to keep happening to me? It’s like they appear out of nowhere. I’ve come to the conclusion that this is something which is going to continue to hang over my head. I am not going to lie, always being told “no we can’t do anything with this,” has certainly taken its toll on me. Nevertheless, I know how I choose to react to the situation can definitely make a difference in its outcome and where I go from here. I was going through some old messages and emails and just happen to come across a message from my friend, Rob who went through his own cancer battle that he unfortunately lost. I have mentioned Rob before in my blog. That message was one in which Rob told me that “when you start to lose your mental battle, your body will not be far behind.” Why did I happen to come across that message at this particular time? That message was something I really needed to hear; even from the grave Rob is continuing to support and give me encouragement. Thank you Rob, message received!!

I love this quote and it rings so true…….

We dont meet people by accident

People come and go throughout our lives and they are put in our path for a reason. There are many angels among us and are all around us; sometimes we don’t even recognize it. Nevertheless, I believe it is God’s way of taking care of us. I have much gratitude for those angels who have been put in my path on this journey. Rob has been one of my many angels in disguise and still continues to inspire me even though he is no longer with us. I never had an opportunity to meet Rob in person, only through online communication; however, I do look forward to the day I can see him on the other side and thank him for his part in helping to guide me through my own cancer journey. Other guardian angels include all my other fellow thyca warriors and most especially my doctors and I thank God every day for them. They are the real heroes and without them I wouldn’t even be here!

One thing is for certain, I know I have to be vigilant and keep a positive attitude throughout this whole experience. It is the one weapon I do have control over against this enemy, because if I don’t the cancer wins! If you are going through your own struggles and trials in your life, whether it be going through cancer, loss of loved ones or other difficult challenges, please know that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. It might not seem like it right away, but it will happen, it just takes a little patience and leap of faith! The message I want to get across is simply this…. that no matter what challenges you face in this life you must never, never give up! I want to close with the following poem which I came across that says it all!

Dont-Quit-poem (1)